A Good Night’s Sleep for Kids with Autism
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I just got off the phone with a parent who is experiencing sleep issues with her child. Sleep is such an important component to our well being yet such a difficult skill to manage and maintain. Good sleep habits are the secret to getting your nightly allotment of zzz’s especially when you have a child on the Autism.
It is a well-known fact that children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder often have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. This makes it difficult for all members of the family because one person with insomnia has the uncanny ability to make unwilling insomniacs out of the rest of the household.
Consider a hanging mobile for a minute – just as one object is moved the rest of the objects shift in response. If one child is not sleeping chances are that one or more family members aren’t getting their beauty sleep as well. This ripple effect works both ways. When I mentioned good sleep habits I meant maintaining good and consistent sleep habits for all in the family. Yes, that means mom and dad as well because if you aren’t honoring healthy sleep patterns, your child will be at a loss.
Healthy sleep habits don’t just happen by themselves and children do not have a clue as to how to go about it so they depend on you for that. Establishing a sleep-friendly environment is a good first step. Here are some tips for how to go about that.
- Make your child’s bedroom a place to sleep and nothing else but make it appealing and sensory satisfying. Consider the color of the walls, the lighting and the shadows that furniture makes in the dark of night. Create an atmosphere that is cheerful and soothing from bed linens to bedclothes making sure it is comfortable to all senses. Detect noise issues and address them with noise machines or soothing music. Make it a place that triggers body and brain to relax.
- Make bedtime routines predictable. It is a well known fact that child with Autism thrive on rituals. Make bedtime a routine that is customized to their unique needs and use schedules, picture or otherwise to reinforce them.
- Attempt to calm your child’s body and mind with a soothing bath. Try adding Epsom salts, which provides magnesium proven for it’s soothing benefits and its ability to flush toxins.
- Depending on your child’s age warm cuddles, bedtime stories or lullabies often help to facilitate a smooth transition into bed. Any rhythmic movements such as swinging, rocking, bouncing or even walking can help calm a child’s entire nervous system and get it ready to relax into sleep mode.
- Develop a calming atmosphere throughout the house as soon as possible after dinner to encourage a state of relaxation in everyone.
- Avoid overstimulation by limiting screen machine time. TV shows, video games and violent movies only serve to heighten arousal in children and make it more difficult for them to want to sleep.
- Never place a TV in a child’s bedroom. In addition to the unnecessary stimulus it offers it creates a situation that is almost impossible to control and manage later on.
If you have read these tips and are saying to yourself, “I already tried that and it didn’t work.” – try it again. Eliminate negative thoughts from your mind that something won’t work because you have already tried it. This is a different time in your child’s life when even a few weeks can make a big difference. Given the time lapse your child is in a different developmental place so what did not work earlier might work now if give it another try.
It is always sensible to get a medical exam should your child’s sleep issues get worse or should he or she begin to develop new sleep problems. If you have concerns make an appointment with your child’s doctor to rule out any physical triggers. Physical issues such as snoring, apnea, diet, medications, anxiety and depression all need to be ruled out or identified in order to begin making sense of everything and determining how to proceed.
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How do you help your child get a good night’s sleep?
Promoting Independence in My ASD Child with Chores
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We all want our children to become independent adults, right? When you have a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder your concern for their future independence is even greater.
We have an amazing task to achieve as parents, a task that most of us are really unprepared for when you come right down to it. As the euphoria of birth subsides and we begin to realize we are taking on the responsibility of transforming our adorable bundle of joy into a happy, healthy and independent human being, the duty before us slowly evolves into a daunting assignment.
And then there was that curve ball thrown when the course you planned for your parenting took an unexpected shift with a diagnosis of Autism. Then panic, worry and doubt began to creep into your thoughts. Future independence becomes one of the biggest concerns for many parents of children on the Autism spectrum. So what can be done about it?
Looking to the experts to guide you is one thing but looking to them for all the answers is another. You are your child’s best and most effective teacher and yes, there is much you can do mom and dad to have a positive impact on your child’s future. You don’t need a degree in child development. What you need is a belief in your capacity to make a difference.
Regardless of your child’s abilities, creating an independent human being begins with basic thoughts, attitudes, values and beliefs. If you don’t believe your child can become independent, guess what, he WILL remain dependent. As a parent, you have the power to transform your child into the future human being you desire. Do you believe that? You have to in order to get the job done.
Every little thing you do now takes your child one step closer to the goal of future independence. If promoting independence in your child is important to you, start early, start slow and start small with ordinary, everyday tasks that need to be done – such as chores. Engaging a child in the act of doing chores is great training for learning to manage on their own in the world. Even though your child might always require some level of care, achieving as much independence as possible will help her feel good about helping herself and those around her.
I am a big fan of planning and preparing rather than jumping in impulsively, especially when you are dealing with a child on the Autism spectrum – they like things to be orderly and make sense. Before you even begin to teach your child to do chores here are some steps for developing a mindset guaranteed to bring success:
Step 1: Adjust your attitude.
Teaching your child to do a chore demands lots of patience and an attitude of tolerance. Setting realistic expectations in the beginning and accepting that the chore will not be done to your satisfaction right away will help. It may take much coaching and loads of repetition before the job is acceptable but the process of getting there is much more important than the outcome.
Step 2: Trust in your own and your child’s ability.
Embrace the teacher in you. You don’t have to be an expert in child behavior or an expert in Autism Spectrum Disorders to teach your child anything. I believe parenting is less about what to do and more about how to be with your child. In order to instill responsibility and independence you simply have to project that your child is capable. When you convey a sense of confidence while relating to your child he will pick up on it. If you think she ‘can’t’, then you ‘can’t’, teach her.
Step 3: Plan on lots of reruns.
You already know your child’s brain is wired differently and that it takes many repetitions for neural pathways to get established. If you accept the fact that you will have to go over the same chore again and again you will be saving yourself much frustration. I know this sounds time consuming but I promise you it is quicker and easier in the long run and will give you much more return on your investment.
Step 4: Be prepared to catch yourself.
Brace yourself for the inner battle you will experience, the times when you will want to take over and do the chore yourself. I know you think it may be quicker and easier but ‘doing for’ your child once a request has been made of him only robs him of the opportunity to complete a responsibility. This can also send the wrong message that if one is slow, one can escape the job. If time is of the essence, don’t assign the chore until you know there is ample time available for both of you to focus on it.
Step 5: Acknowledge the benefits!
Taking the time to do chores will build self-confidence and self-reliance. It will help your child develop decision making and problem solving skills as well as enhance her social development. Self-affirmations such as “I am capable.” will internally motivate your child to continue finding ways to help himself. Messages such as, “I am someone who contributes” will help your child see herself as part of a whole – a team.
It’s easy for parents to fall into the trap of doing things for their children rather than taking the time and effort to teach them how to do for themselves. This may work in the present but never forget how this negatively impacts a child’s future autonomy. Don’t do a disservice to your child by doing too many things for her, thus enabling continued dependence.
If autonomy is what you desire for your child, you need to keep the big picture in mind and address the future by always thinking ahead and asking, “Is what I am teaching or not teaching my child today helping him to become the independent person I want him to be?” When developmentally appropriate independence is cultivated over time it results in a peace of mind, for you and your child, that is priceless.
Book review: Squirmy Wormy by Lynda Farrington Wilson
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If you have a child that is a ‘squirmy wormy’ then this is the perfect book to read with him or her. What a wonderful self-help book for a child on the Autism spectrum who struggles with sensory issues! Did I say self-help for children? That’s right. This book does more than just point out issues and solutions but it provides the child with positive statements that will empower him to address certain needs and learn to help himself.
“I can help myself.” sets the stage for empowerment on page one. Other positive self-reliazations such as ”I need a squeeze.” or ”I need a break.” are powerful problem solving strategies that children can employ on their own.
What I like best about this book is that it is written from the point of view of the child. Do you know what it is like to be plagued by the constant need to seek or minimize sensory stimulation and maintain a place of balance? The author does a wonderful job presenting Tyler as a boy who deals with this challenge on a daily basis and how he experiences the world. She then presents a customized solution, again all from his point of view.
The self-calming and coping skills your child will learn from this book is worth every penny because it will help your child develop awareness and come to see herself as capable of meeting her own needs. The additional resources in the back of the book about Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) are extremely helpful to any parent and the whimsical illustrations will make you smile.
To purchase your own copy of Squirmy Wormy by Lynda Farrington Wilson go to Future Horizons. In order to receive a 15% discount you can use the code – PARENTCOACH – in the coupon code box when checking out. You can also benefit from 15% off other items you may wish to purchase, including conferences.
Please let us know what you think once you read this wonderful book to your child.
If Only My Child With Autism Would Speak To Me?
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Every parent looks forward to the day when they will hear the sweet sound of their young child’s voice but what if it doesn’t occur as expected?
There are children born without the capacity to speak. Some of the causes are physical damage to the area of the brain that controls speech or physical injuries to the vocal cords or throat. Surgical procedures can often rectify the situation for children who cannot speak due to a physical impairment. These children and their parents, as well as hearing-impaired children, would have to learn another means of communication – most likely sign language.
Source: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Then there is the wide spectrum of developmental disabilities such as Autism Spectrum Disorders that can leave a child speechless. Often there is no physical reason a child with Autism can’t speak. There have been enough stories of children with Autism who are still non-verbal at a late age when one day they suddenly begin to speak or communicate more effectively. So there is always hope, always the potential for speech to take hold – yet . . . .
When you have a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder who is non-verbal there always seems to be a black cloud hanging overhead – a constant wondering if you will ever hear your child speak your name or say, “I love you.” These parents wait with great anticipation for a special key that will unlock the door to their child’s world of silence but deal with disappointment on a daily basis when it doesn’t come.
A child who has damage to his vocal cords can’t make his voice heard because it is physically impossible but a child with Autism often has the ability but can’t access it. I hear many parents express concerns about their child’s language ability, or lack of it, and worry that their child will never speak. They often express a belief that things would be better, “If only my child would speak to me.” Communication is such an important piece when it comes to interacting socially and getting our needs met that these parents fret for their child’s future. So what is a parent to do?
Here are nine things to think about.
- Set realistic expectations. Accept the fact that your child’s language is non-verbal for now while you strive to teach her to communicate verbally. I encourage you to take a deep breath and relax as you ask yourself if you can truly accept the fact that your child is non-verbal at this time. If you can temporarily let go of the expectation for the use of words and focus on the other ways she can communicate you may be surprised by the results. Children pick up on our tensions, disappointments and anxieties more than we think and this negative energy can inadvertently set up roadblocks for them. Always shoot for the stars but know you can’t get there in one leap, focus on the baby steps and celebrate them as you go.
- Motivate your child to use language (with or without words). You need to make your child ‘have to’ and ‘want to’ communicate. Make your child see the value in communicating, and don’t let her well meaning older siblings speak for her or anticipate her needs. The worse thing a parent can do is to enable their child’s muteness by granting their wishes before they attempt to communicate them. Strongly encourage your child show you a picture, sign or gesture of what he wants or tell him to say it before you give it to him. The trick is to find the right balance between pushing and helping without causing him too much frustration.
- Understand that direct teaching is required. The communication challenges that children with ASD face are more complicated than just the development of language. The basic issue is often a lack of understanding that language, verbal or non-verbal, is necessary to communicate with others in the world around you to make things happen. Children who have no developmental delays are typically eager to communicate with others telling them anything and everything but this is not the case for children on the spectrum. What comes naturally for most children has to be taught to a child with ASD in a very structured and explicit manner.
- Have patience and duplicate therapies. Early intervention is great but things still take time. Pay attention to your child’s therapists, observe and learn what they do then copy it. Maybe your child’s therapists or teachers are using visual pictures or picture schedules to communicate with your child like the Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS). Whatever they are using to get her to communicate, motivate her to use her the pictures/sign-language/gestures/words at home as well in order to get her needs met.
- Don’t compare! Try hard not to contrast your child to others and remember that there are many ways to communicate. We are so conditioned in our society to expect certain things as typical. If your child were deaf you would be equally upset but you would know there was another way to communicate and would simply teach yourself sign language. It is important to play detective and discover your child’s best way of relating and communicating and use it as a foundation to grow language on. Your child is unique and has his own language, discover what that is and learn it. Once you do that, it will be easier for him to learn your way of communicating in order to join your world.
- Remember the baby years. Having a non-verbal child is just as frustrating as when you had an infant that couldn’t tell you what he wanted. BUT then again, this is to be expected from an infant. Spend some time pondering how you came to learn and interpret what your baby’s cries were telling you and stay focused on acquiring a similar understanding of your child’s current expressions, grunts, and atypical vocalizations.
- Think outside the box. Expand your definition of communication. It is important to experiment with other modes of communication and add them to the systems that are already in place – you never know when you will strike gold. Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) devices have been proven to be helpful tools for supplementing and expanding ways for children on the Autism spectrum to communicate but always discuss your plans with your child’s speech therapist first.
- Document your child’s progress. Maintaining a journal may seem like just one more thing to do but having the ability to go back and read what your child has accomplished in the past six months or year helps. Reflecting back in time is a great way to stay positive and hopeful when you can see the progress that was made.
- Understand the connection between language and behavior. Children on the spectrum often tantrum because they can’t communicate effectively to get their needs met. Just think how frustrating it would be for you to hear a language that is foreign and then feel pressured to use it before you comprehend it’s usefulness. This can be extremely frustrating and often leads to heightened anxiety and stress causing behaviors that are sometimes difficult to deal with. Even children with some language ability resort to anger and meltdown when they can’t communicate their needs effectively.
Always remember that there are many ways we communicate – using words is only one of them. Be prepared to find more patience than you think you have and adjust to the possibility that it may take longer than anticipated – BUT remain forever hopeful. I have worked with many parents who worried about never hearing their child’s voice only to be pleasantly surprised even if only by a few words.
Empowering Children Who Have an Autism Spectrum Disorder
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Do you worry about your child’s ability to stay positive and feel empowered? Let’s face it, we all have issues with remaining positive, even as adults, but a child with special needs – be it PDD-NOS, dyslexia, ADHD, specific learning disability, or Autism – is even more vulnerable to being sucked down the path to a negative self-image. These children need more than just a boost when they become discouraged; they need an ongoing system that helps them focus on the positive things about themselves everyday of their lives. Is it possible to help your child develop such a mindset? I say yes and here is how.
In a previous article I posted, The Power of Positive Self-talk for Kids with Autism, I write about preventing a default mode of negativity from getting established and I mention a few tactics for teaching children to create and internalize positive affirmations at an early age. This article has been very popular and has received a lot of support and comments on social networking sites so I decided to keep this positive energy going.
For those of you who like step-by-step directions when taking on a new task here is the breakdown for teaching your child to establish and maintain a positive sense of self.
1) Choose a mantra that will work for your child.
2) Find ways to reinforce it on a daily basis.
3) Aim to help them internalize it.
This process may seem simple and on one level it is but due to the fact that every child is so, so different these three steps need to be customized to the unique world your child experiences. Tailoring your teaching method to your child’s special needs can be challenging and I have many successful tips and techniques you can employ.
Do you want to empower your child for success? I am sure you do and I know you can do this without me but the question is how quickly do you want to put your child on the path to empowerment? If time is of the essence, I can help you reach this goal in a timely fashion.
For more detailed assistance in helping your child create a positive mindset and adhering to it I am inviting you to join me in one of my special “choose-what-to-pay” private coaching calls I am offering during April, Autism Awareness month. In just thirty minutes of personal phone time with me we can create an entire plan to implement a program of empowerment for your child. Click here to take a peek at my special April offer for private coaching sessions with me.
These ‘choose-what-to-pay’ slots won’t be available once May arrives and it would be a shame to loose this opportunity to access my expertise at a reduced rate of your choosing. Don’t worry, once you click on this link you are not committing to anything but you won’t know what you are missing unless you go there.
Happy parenting and think positive – it’s contagious!
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What ideas have you tried and been successful with to empower your child? Please share your wisdom in the comment section below.
Regardless of any child’s ability, kids feel great about themselves when they are successful at attaining something they wish for or completing a desired task. Children can experience success by chance or they can achieve it deliberately by setting goals and reaching them.
Teaching your child to create goals and supporting them on the journey towards them are two very important and wonderful gifts a parent can give a child. Not only does it encourage creative thinking and problem solving but independence as well.
Goals are great to set when a child is facing something that is challenging. Children on the spectrum tend to be very visual and goals help them formulate an image in their mind of what they are aiming for. You can even help them make their goals more concrete by putting together a vision board for each goal.
If you see your child struggling with something he or she would like to accomplish take the following steps to teach goal setting.
1) Identify an issue with your child. Ask your child what would he like to add to his life or what little thing she would like to change.
2) State their desire in terms of a goal. “I have a goal to . . . .”.
3) Make the goal a SMART one: Specific, Measurable, Attainable (challenging yet realistic), Relevant (something they are motivated to do), Time sensitive (set a timeline/date for completion).
4) Brainstorm how to meet the goal, breaking it down into baby steps.
5) Have regular check-ins about the goal by talking about it informally (don’t nag).
6) Help your child brainstorm alternative solutions when she gets stuck.
7) Celebrate when the goal is reached and provide specific praise that focuses on the effort and the process they adhered to more than on the outcome.
Then sit back and take pride in knowing that you have helped your child get one step closer to an independent future lined with success.
Here is a challenge for you. Close your eyes and pretend you have Autism.
Can you do it?
Do you have any idea what it might be like?
If not – this book by Ellen Notbohm, 10 Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew, presents extremely useful information about what the world of a child with Autism is like.
In my work helping parents accept, adjust and embrace Autism, or any other special need, one of the first steps forward is putting them in their child’s shoes. Entering into a child’s world of Autism – how he perceives the world around him or how she relates to her surroundings – is a crucial piece to the puzzle in coming to understand the best way to help a child with ASD. Doing so requires being a good detective and Ellen’s book should be your detective’s handbook.
As Ellen introduces you to the Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew, her insightful words guide you to discover clues that will help solve the mystery of how best to connect with and join your child in his world. Even though the mystery will never be completely solved, the evidence you gather will pave the road to better interaction and communication with your child on all levels.
Ellen’s first precept reminds us that children with an ASD are children first and that Autism is “only one aspect “ of a child’s total being. A label alone does not define a child and unconditional acceptance is the quickest way to pave the road for success.
The author does a wonderful job helping us see, hear, smell, taste and touch what life is like for a child on the Autism spectrum. Whether hyper or hypo sensitive, the sensory issues a child has can be the source of many challenging behaviors. As she so aptly puts it, “it’s the first outpost of Autism we should address.” Coming to even the most basic understanding that her carefully chosen words lead us to helps any parent mitigate the probability of certain behaviors. Once a parent has detected what, where and how their child gets over-stimulated there is much they can do to prevent it.
Chapter four – titled, I am a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally - does a wonderful job of explaining how language and everyday expressions, such as idioms, can easily confuse a child with an ASD. Knowing this allows a parent to alter the way they use language and make it less confusing for their child. Ellen even provides some very concrete examples of baffling sayings and presents tips for translating and decoding language that can make a child feel as if they have just arrived in a foreign country.
Other wishes that the author expounds upon include the distinction between ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t’, not just for the child but for the parent as well. Limitations of language and how visual prompts and cues can help minimize difficulties and frustrations, on both sides, is addressed in chapters five and six. Chapter seven describes the importance of focusing on the positive because what we focus on grows and the weeds of negativity are too difficult to deal with. Insight into social interactions from your child’s point of view and teaching strategies to enhance your child’s social ability is the next wish that is covered before the book ends with the power of unconditional love.
The book is perfect for relatives; other family members and friends that are struggling to understand and adjust to the reality of Autism that has touched their lives. Gaining a better understanding of all that Autism means will provide caretakers and others with a framework that honors the rights, dignity and best interests of the child they are trying so hard to comprehend.
I love the author’s surprise twist at the end. Just when you expect a conclusion you are met with a wonderful forward preparing you for the journey that lies ahead. In this forward, Ellen relates a dream to us that led her to a renewed belief in choice – the choices we have to affect our destiny. If you choose to pick up this book and read it you will come to realize how true her words are. As you flip through these insightful one hundred and eleven pages you will also come to believe in your own, and your child’s, power to choose and create a dream for an amazing future together.
“What you choose to believe about your child’s Autism is possibly the single biggest factor in the outcome.” – Amen Ellen!
To purchase your own copy of 10 Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew go to Future Horizons. In order to receive a 15% discount you can use the code – PARENTCOACH – in the coupon code box when checking out. You can also benefit from 15% off other items you may wish to purchase, including conferences.
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Enjoy the book and after you read it please come back and contribute your comments and feedback.
Joking with Children on the Autism Spectrum
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I believe telling jokes is an art – an art I haven’t yet mastered. No matter how hard I try to tell a good joke, my delivery is lacking and my poor short-term memory is not very helpful. My literal and concrete mind is also challenged when it comes to understanding some jokes, which usually include idioms or some type of word play. If I struggle with this, I know others do as well, especially children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Humor is a wonderful skill reserved for the human race but not everyone is adept at using it or comprehending it. Understanding jokes and idioms requires two levels of communication – one takes in the literal meaning and the other evaluates it. The second part of this process is usually where children with Autism get stuck. Coming to realize that the intent of a statement can differ from what is actually being said is a hurdle that most children with an ASD struggle with.
Studies show that these two levels of communication come from different areas in the brain. The left hemisphere of the brain helps a person understand the literal meaning of a joke or idiom. The right side of the brain, the frontal lobe in particular, is responsible for interpreting context and double meanings. Unfortunately for children with Autism this part of their brain is typically not making the necessary connections it needs to understand the abstract language of jokes and idioms. Therefore, jokes and idioms are often lost in translation.
The more complex humor is, the more it requires an understanding of context, metaphor and the contradictory meaning of words. Anything ambiguous, such as an idiom, often leaves a child with ASD scratching their head in confusion or accepting the statement as fact yet denying the possibility.
An idiom is any phrase that is non-literal and implies a totally different meaning. It can sound like a foreign language to a child with Autism. What does getting sick have to do with dropping flies? How does curiosity kill cats? Why would a joke be the same as pulling someone’s leg? And the list continues.
- Wearing your heart on your sleeve.
- A blessing in disguise.
- Bite your tongue.
- Spitting image.
- A piece of cake.
- Pull the plug.
- Break an arm and a leg.
Humor is important to your child’s social development because being able to tell jokes and laugh with others helps them interact socially and make personal connections. So what can a parent do to trigger and create the neural pathways necessary to help expand your child’s sense of humor and understanding of jokes and idioms. Here are five strategies to implement.
1) Train your child to seek clarifying information when they are confused. The trick is to get them to realize when something doesn’t make sense rather than accepting the information as fact – then teaching them to take it to the next step by asking an adult to explain.
2) Focus on visual humor when possible. If your child is a visual learner, sticking with slapstick comedy, cartoons and comic books that are read aloud while your child follows the pictures is a good place to start before proceeding to the telling of jokes and more abstract humor.
3) Intentionally teach idioms. Gradually expose your child to idioms and explain their meaning. Make it a point to use them or instruct your child directly by using homemade flashcards. This will force the neurons in their brains to make new connections that will help them develop a better understanding.
4) Teach your child one or two jokes he or she can share socially. Simple knock-knock jokes are a good place to start. After a while your child will start creating his own jokes but will require guidance to make sure the punch lines are headed in the right direction. The goal is to ensure that his schoolmates will laugh with him and not at him.
5) Practice, practice, practice. Never think this task is complete. As your child gains more experience in stretching her brain to create new neural pathways, you can raise your efforts to a more sophisticated use of humor. Remember, a family that laughs together, has less stress and grows together in amazing ways.
Never forget that in addition to nurturing and caring for a child’s basic needs, parenting involves direct teaching as well. All in all, it is possible to train children with Autism to expand and develop the long-range neural connections they may be missing to understand jokes and even tell them appropriately within a social situation. As children mature this will get easier for them but taking the steps above will be giving them a wonderful head start.
Acquiring a Diagnosis of Autism
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The signs and severity of an Autism Spectrum Disorder vary in each child. This can make getting an accurate diagnosis a challenge. Children on the higher level of the Autism spectrum may go years without being accurately diagnosed. There are many, many factors that go into an Autism diagnosis and unfortunately there is no definitive blood test for it.
Getting your child diagnosed may require several appointments with different health professionals to rule out other conditions that could be causing the problems in your child. Often a child who is late to talk is suspected of having a hearing issue first. After this is checked then the doctor can move onto evaluating for an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Several health conditions can mimic the symptoms of Autism and children should always be evaluated for other medical conditions that could cause the same symptoms as Autism first.
source: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Doctors have a checklist that must be met before the possibility of Autism is suspected. Some of the signs on the checklist include, poor relationships with friends, focusing on one thing for very long periods of time, poor communications skills, and insisting on certain routines, or rituals. Your child’s doctor will question you or any other professionals and people that have close contact with the child. They may send home a form for you and the child’s teacher to fill out. Once the doctor has the forms back he or she will compare the forms and look for similar results. If the results are all pointing to developmental indicators that are concerning further testing will be pursued and referrals will be made.
To receive an accurate Autism diagnosis a child is typically evaluated by a team of medical professionals which often includes some or all of the following: a pediatrician, a psychologist, a speech therapist, a neurologist, and a psychiatrist. Once the team evaluates your child they will meet to compare their findings and decide on a diagnosis. The findings will then be presented to the parents and if the diagnosis of Autism is made, a treatment plan will be set in place.
If you are worried about your child’s development you do need to keep in mind that children develop at their own rate. In addition to this I encourage you to trust your instincts. If you have concerns about your child not reaching his or her developmental milestones on time you don’t have to wait for your child’s next doctor’s appointment. Don’t be afraid to take a proactive step and let your voice be heard. Bring your concerns to your child’s primary care physician and ask for further testing.
If you are requesting a diagnosis from your child’s pediatrician and are frustrated with the response you are getting, consider the following:
- Don’t accept excuses. If the professional you share your concerns with refuses to listen to you and responds with “he’s just a boy. . .” or “ Let’s wait another year and see where she is.” – listen to your wise self and go to plan B. Time is of the essence and early intervention and treatment is one of the most important things you can set into motion.
- Get a second opinion. This is no time to be intimidated. Shop around for pediatric professionals and other developmental specialists who diagnosis developmental disorders. Ask to be referred to a Developmental Pediatrician or interview pediatric practices that have Psychiatrists/Psychologists on staff.
- Advocate, advocate, advocate. Be persistent in your efforts to help your child – don’t let your worries and concerns fall on deaf ears. Do all you can to “be heard”. I hate to use the term “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” but it certainly applies in this case. Remember, you are your child’s best and only advocate. Your son or daughter depend on you to open doors that will uncover abilities and change possibilities.
Of course you want to provide the best environment for your child with Autism, who doesn’t. But sometimes the things people tell us are good for our children are sometimes things we may find very difficult to implement.
What will work best for a child is not always easy for a parent to do. We all know that most children on the Autism spectrum function best with routine. Now let’s take a parent who is spirited, someone who follows her intuition, who doesn’t do much planning and often flies by the seat of his pants, so to speak. Such a parent may find predictability boring and maintaining order and structure may be a struggle. Should such a parent have a child who thrives best in a calm environment where surprises need to be kept to a minimum, difficulties may arise.
As one parent I worked with stated, “I’ve heard plenty of times that it’s best for her to have schedules. Problem is, I’m TERRIBLE with sticking to schedules and I love change. Sameness bores me. No wonder I can’t form habits. I thrive on change and shaking things up. I’ll do my best to set schedules for my daughter but it’s super hard for me.”
Everyone is born with his or her own physical characteristics such as eye color but each one also has unique patterns of behavior and temperaments. When different temperaments reside in the same household, whether between adults, siblings or parent and child, tensions will arise. Parenting works best when temperaments and personalities are compatible with that of their child’s but this is not always possible.
Every parent’s goal is to minimize conflict and stress within the family unit and in order to do so, each person’s way of relating to the world needs to be considered and approached accordingly. This means that adjustments have to be made to accommodate everyone’s needs but whose needs take precedence?
Because children don’t come to us made-to-order, if parents want as smooth a journey as possible, they have to mold their parenting around their child. Trying to force a child to accommodate to your way of relating and responding to life will only lead to serious frustration for both parties. That is not to say that you relinquish to your child’s every whim and fancy but if it is known that your child will function better with structure and predictability than you are the one who has to adapt or change the way you react to routine.
When you are the parent of a child who thrives in a structured environment but you are uncomfortable with it, learning how to be a more disciplined parent may not be your cup of tea but it will make your life as a parent easier. I believe every child is given to us for a reason and the opportunity to grow in a different direction is one. Parenting provides us with a great opportunity for growth – a time to consider pushing your envelope and experience how a shift in the way you relate to the world might benefit you.
This is easier said then done but here are some strategies to keep in mind.
Take baby steps – remember that lasting change takes time, especially once a behavior has become a habit. Have patience with yourself, be wise and focus on the baby steps. Always judge your next move from the response you get to your previous attempt.
Develop new awareness – Start to notice the times when things go well because of the shift you made in your style. How are you and your child reacting to the slight changes? Does more structure help you relate better? Paying attention to all the positive results will help keep you motivated to continue.
Be realistic – Don’t expect miracles. New habits and ways of relating take time to get established. They say it takes twenty-one repetitions or more of a certain behavior before it becomes ingrained. As you see the value in developing new habits and ways of relating to your children you will begin to experience the results you desire.
Be kind to yourself – Your life as a parent of a child with Autism is busy and you need to be gentle with yourself. Give yourself the gift of time by honoring your pace and remember that we all get stuck at times. Think of it as a part of your process, a necessary step in your journey, and ask what lesson am I being taught rather than viewing it as a problem that shouldn’t be happening. This will keep you from getting frustrated and give you the space to figure out what type of shift is needed.
Gain perspective – When things get rough take the time to see things from your child’s point of view. Every child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder is forced to adapt to our world, so why not meet your child halfway? If you expect your child to make all the adjustments, then your life as a parent will be strained and your household will be unpleasant.
All in all, caring for children with special needs means making adjustments and has nothing to do with disability. Modifications are required to make any relationship thrive. There is no pill – it is a matter of acceptance and adaptation. The greatest gift you can give your child is your emergent self – a self that is willing to develop and evolve. This means that a big part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and awareness.
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If you have struggled with certain aspects about parenting a child with Autism please share what has worked for you? Other parents will benefit from your experiences.
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