Preventing the Holiday “Gimmies”

Regardless of which holiday you observe, the atmosphere is always so festive this time of year. There is something about candles, lights, and traditions that make us all feel comfy and cozy, calm and content. Add a fire and some of your favorite holiday songs and things can feel almost perfect.

Then there is the flip side of the holidays that sometimes creates a less than joyous attitude – the shopping frenzy, the commercial hype, and the added stress that a change in routine can bring. The regular holiday hustle and bustle of the season can turn even the most giving child into one that pleads and whines for what they want, or think they need, and what their peers are getting. And in addition to their friends, the holiday commercials are doing their very best to lure extremely impressionable children into an “I want. . .”, “I need. . .”, or “I must have . . .” mindset.

Greedy little whiners are easy to cultivate in a commercialized and media saturated culture. The innocent little cherubs that parents bring into the world are certainly cute and adorable but they arrive egocentric and self-centered. They are programmed this way for survival. As infants, their main focus is to make sure they get their needs met.

As children grow up in a materialistic, consumer minded culture, they are bombarded with media messages that encourage an attitude of instant gratification that can easily develop into a bad case of the “gimmies”. To prevent this from occurring, it’s important to take the time, patience and consistency to create an attitude of gratitude in your children.

While parents may role model giving, most children think it is much more fun to receive. It is our job as parents to gradually teach them that there is a world out there beyond them selves and to encourage them to reduce their focus on things they can acquire. It is part of our responsibility to instill generosity and an attitude of giving in our children early on and continue the formation of altruism in them as they mature. Starting early is key, especially in today’s world when consumerism is so abundant and instant gratification has become an expected view of life.

Speaking of role modeling, what kind of examples are you setting for your kids? Every holiday season you hear stories of adults willing to get up in the wee hours of the morning to stand in line for the season’s trendiest toy or the newest technology. What do our children think when they observe a society of adults focused on acquisition? When you take a child who is naturally born to be egocentric and place them in an extremely materialistic world you set the stage for creating self-seeking adults unless you mindfully nurture a different outcome.

The holiday season provides you with great opportunities for using teachable moments that will instill an attitude of gratitude in your children. This is a great time to begin the task of molding your child to not only see beyond themselves but to connect with the good feeling that comes from sharing yourself – your money, or your talents – with others. Here are a few tips to get you started.

1. Create a non-commercial environment. Curtail the use of screen machines that expose kids to commercials and advertisements. When you limit TV viewing, where children are deliberately enticed by advertisers, especially during the holiday season, you will minimize the constant request for things they don’t really need, and protect your pocketbook at the same time. If your child watches any TV, you can be sure that she is receiving numerous media messages, which promote the notion that acquiring material possessions is the pathway to happiness, love, acceptance, and success. These messages are also creeping into the Internet and the cell phones that now seem to be a normal part of life for most children. The media madness that advances a commercial culture may impact your holidays, your child and your wallet more than you realize.

2. Simplify your holidays. If your children engage in the tradition of making a list of what they want, try placing a limit on the number of wishes they can make and remind them that not all desires may be granted. In addition encourage them to make a list of what they think others might want so they can expand their focus beyond themselves. Discuss intangible ways to make people happy and stress the importance of spending time with and doing favors for family members and good friends. Create coupons for visiting someone once a month, a hug a day or performing a necessary chore for someone.

3. Connect your kids to the outside world. Teaching your children to develop a positive and helpful link to others in society helps everyone thrive. When you connect them to the larger community it broadens their capacity for empathy and enhances their ability to become more generous. Being naturally self-seeking may be part of growing up but exposing your children to a world beyond the materialistic will help direct them toward a path of gratitude, appreciation and service to their community.

4. Encourage community service. Identify people in your community that are less fortunate and brainstorm a list of things you can do to bring sunshine into their lives then do it together as a family. Explore your community to find agencies or churches that request volunteers or have your children present a portion of their allowance as a donation. As your children get older encourage them to come up with their own ideas for community service or giving and make it a year round event as well.

5. Live an appreciative lifestyle. Role model language that shows appreciation and gratitude for the people in your life as well as the personal possessions you have. In addition to the words you use, make sure your actions respond accordingly and remember that every behavior teaches your child something. Yes, items can be replaced but learning to take good care of belongings helps to minimize waste and demonstrates respect and appreciation for what you have. Refusing to purchase a name brand item just because it’s the “in” thing to do, making your children ride the bus, or giving them age appropriate jobs are all ways to encourage a down to earth attitude.

6. Communicate clearly with your children. When children know what to expect or understand why something is being done it is easier for them to accept the outcome and internalize the behavior you want to nurture. Help older siblings acquire realistic expectations of their younger siblings. Explain that their one and a half year old brother does not comprehend the concept of sharing his new toy because he cannot identify how other people feel yet and then invite your child into the role of teacher.

If you want to curtail the greed factor or halt a developing case of the “gimmies”, it is never too late to start. Teaching empathy is a big part of encouraging a giving nature in any child and empathy is something every child needs to develop. For most children on the autism spectrum, empathy is a difficult concept for them to grasp but taking the time to teach these values and encourage a generous mindset is definitely a step in the right direction to get them there. The earlier young children acquire a grateful outlook or an appreciative mindset, regardless of their abilities, the more likely they are to live a contented life – what better gift can a parent give?