Potty Training Boys on the Autism Spectrum
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Potty training is one of the most popular topics I deal with and I guess there will always be a never-ending supply of parents who need help in this department. I have coached many parents of children on the Autism spectrum and I continue to get requests for potty training advice.
I recently had a request from a parent of a seven-year-old son. Her lament was as follows: “I have tried everything and nothing seems to work. The only thing my son is interested in is peeing in a cup so I was wondering if a urinal would work. Do you have any suggestions or advice?”
Being the mother of three boys myself I remember the days when I always kept a mayonnaise jar in the car for emergencies. Thank goodness for the anatomy of little boys which makes it easy to pee in a cup. Somehow this seems unfair to the female gender but I won’t digress. As convenient as it sounds, when a child knows that there are alternatives to sitting on the toilet it can make potty training a bit more challenging in some respects.
Yes, a urinal is a wonderful solution to the problem this mom is facing but unfortunately it can also cause potty dilemmas. But as long as you are aware of them and address these issues as you go along, all can be calm on the potty training front.
I wish they had a urinal such as, Peter Potty – the Flushable Potty Training Urinal for Boys, available when my boys were in training. It is a wonderful way to motivate and entice those little boys who refuse to sit on a toilet or a potty chair to urinate.
As we know, many children with Autism have sensory issues, which can make the toilet seat, too cold, too hard or too rough. These tactile sensitivities are very real and a urinal is a great solution but one has to plan for the following situations as well.
I have coached parents to use these urinals quite successfully but little boys still need to learn how to use the toilet for pooping and for peeing elsewhere when there is no urinal available. What happens when you are on the road having to use a public restroom and there is no other option but to go into the ladies room with mom?
In addition to experiencing success with a urinal, every little boy needs to be willing to park his bottom on a toilet seat to poop at some time or another. The other challenge comes when your son has to generalize from one situation to another. How do we pee when we are at school? – a restaurant? – a neighbor’s house? – grandma’s or Uncle Bob’s . . . who don’t have a urinal?
Don’t worry – as I told this mom, it can be done. My advice is to master the urinal first then continue on the coat-tails of success to tackle the other challenges her little boy presents – whatever they may be.
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For more strategies regarding potty training a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder you may want to take a sneak peek at this program, From Bathroom Battles to Bathroom Bliss: Potty Training 101.
Do you remember what it felt like when your mom or dad were healthy, happy and stress-free growing up?
Do you remember what it felt like when one or both were sick, out of sorts or emotionally unavailable?
Under which circumstance did you function best?
It is a well-known fact that children do best when their parents pay attention to their own self-care. Children are like sponges, absorbing everything, including their parents’ energy levels – so if you are running low on fuel, you know it has to be affecting them as well. Of course, every child is different and will respond differently but when mom or dad are feeling out of sorts, depressed, overworked, or out of sync little Johnny will sense it and Susie will pick up on it.
Because every person’s energy is contagious you really want to make sure that yours is worth sharing with those around you. If you give the best value you can offer you will get a great return on your investment. There are many things we want to protect our children from but positive energy is not something you want to withhold.
I have heard it said that you become like the people you spend your time with and who does your child spend more time with than you? I am sure you are also familiar with that saying – Misery loves company. Therefore, if you are wondering why your child is stressed, anxious or sad the first thing you should do is look at your own physical and emotional state – there just might be a connection.
If you want vibrant and positive energy to invade your house then you and the other adults in the household need to be the primary suppliers of it. If behaviors have been slowly eroding or stress levels have been climbing to dangerous levels in your home, know that you have the power to do something about it by taking the time to tend to your own self-care.
But who has time for that you ask, especially when you are parenting a special needs child. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the same response when I encourage parents, especially moms, to pay attention to their self-care. I have even spoken these words myself years ago. “I don’t have enough time in the day.” . . . or something to that effect. But guess what? Self-care can be simple.
If you do not have a self-care routine in place or are having trouble establishing a mindset to create and maintain one, here are a few tips to keep in mind that will increase your chances of success.
- Keep it simple. Self-care doesn’t have to be rocket science and it doesn’t have to be time consuming. Simple time efficient techniques for managing stress like – deep breathing, saying no, and maintaining boundaries can be sooo… easy to implement. The most difficult part is developing the mindset to keep it at the forefront of your thoughts. If you truly believe in the benefits self-care can produce, it will motivate you to stay focused on it and reap the results.
- Start small. If you are starting from scratch, make it realistic and begin with finding five minutes to call your own. When your child is engaged in play or napping, take the timer and consciously focus five minutes on yourself and call it “me time”. Take a virtual vacation in your mind, have a cup of tea, flip through a magazine or do some yoga stretches. When your five minutes of respite is up, affirm to yourself out loud what a nice time it was. Once this becomes a successful habit you can gradually add more minutes to your “me time”.
- Lower your expectations. Let go of the notion that self-care means getting away from home and family for a period of time. Yes, that is a nice goal to pursue but focusing on quick ways to refresh while in the midst of parenting can be just as effective. Eventually, when you consciously add the mini “me-times” together that you were able to indulge in during the course of a day, you will realize just how often you do get to refuel.
- Anticipate the benefits. Take note of the many benefits that taking better care of yourself will have on you as well as the good that will spill over to others! Make a mental note or written list of the positive effects it will have on your family; how it will build your smile muscle and how contagious that is, or how it will increase your capacity for patience, and any other benefits that come to mind. Keep this list in front of you! Stick it on the computer, the refrigerator or perhaps the bathroom mirror?
- Know thyself. In choosing any self-care activity, you want be in touch with your greatest needs and inner desires. You want to select what would be the most helpful or meaningful to “you” right now, not someone else. In order to identify ‘your’ needs, desires, values and priorities, you need to learn to trust your inner voice and listen to your wise self. Focus on what fuels you. How can you bring your passions to the forefront of your day, your week, your month? Is it finding time for your creative expression? Do you want to enhance your overall health and fitness of? Do you want to feel more connected to your spiritual self?
- Eliminate the word selfish from your vocabulary. Let’s remember that pursuing self-care is not selfish. On an airplane they tell us to get the oxygen mask on ourselves first and then assist children and elderly. We are no good to others if we are running out of breath! We are not our best selves if we are stressed, overwhelmed, or sick and tired of being sick and tired. Taking care of you is not a selfish act. Selfish is on a continuum – the challenge is to stay in the middle, balanced between extreme selfishness and continuously sacrificing your needs. Test: If it indirectly benefits your children/family somehow, it is not selfish!
- Identify barriers in advance. In order to increase your chances of success, it is important to anticipate and address any barriers before you begin, so they can be minimized or eliminated. Sometimes we block ourselves, we think of a history of failed attempts, of economic factors, time limiters, or other things. Take a moment to answer the question… “What would have to change in my life in order for this new self-care goal to become a habit?”
As a mom or a dad of a child with Autism, believing that taking care of yourself will also help your child is a worthwhile conviction to maintain. Creating opportunities to refresh and renew yourself are extremely important even if for only five minutes here and there throughout the day.
Don’t ever run on empty! Refueling your tank on a regular basis always benefits your child!
Just imagine how much better you and they will feel when you establish a self-care habit that sticks. Take the time to visualize the waves of positive energy that will be emanating from you. Now that is something you definitely want your children to catch.
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How do you keep the positive energy flowing in your house? How is your self-care catching on?
Bragging Rights for Volunteer of the Year
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Do you remember being so proud and excited about something when you did when you were little that you just couldn’t wait to share it? I remember when I finally got the hang of riding my two wheel bike, it was the first thing I told people when I met them for the next two weeks. Well, guess what – I am either still that vocal little girl who hasn’t matured yet or I am one of those bores who brag? But wait a minute, I know there is a middle ground here somewhere.
Appropriate self-promotion is recognized as one of the most important attributes to be successful. But learning to share your talents and successes without coming across as smug or rehearsed is a challenge. My dilemma is how do I self-promote without sounding phony or arrogant and turning you off? I was taught not to talk about myself because “people wouldn’t like me” so I am going to try to strike a happy medium between bragging and not saying anything. After all, if I don’t get excited about my own accomplishments, no one else will.
Let me start by telling you my unique story so you can get to know me on a more authentic level. About twenty-nine years ago I met a parent who was devastated by the fact that her young daughter had been abused sexually by a neighbor they thought they could trust. It was then and there that my passion for helping parents in need was ignited and I haven’t stopped yet.
As a result, I am the very proud recipient of the 2012 State of Maine Community Volunteer award for all the work I have done to strengthen families in my local community since I began advocating for that mom. Meeting this parent motivated me to create a non-profit agency to prevent child abuse in my community and it also inspired me to go back to school to get my degree in social work – two life changing events! For all of my professional life as a social worker I have continued to be passionate about helping parents and children who are vulnerable and have always taken my commitment to volunteer seriously.
I have no plan to ever stop giving of my time to help parents and will continue to make myself available to as many parents as possible, regardless of their ability to pay for my services. This is why I offer FREE 15-minute phone consultation services to parents everywhere, all you need is a phone and fifteen minutes of time.
I do need to pay the bills but I love volunteering a percentage of my services, the problem is – I can’t do it without you. Many parents have benefited from these brief phone chats with me and so can you. As one parent stated, “Connie, you are a blessing. In the short time we chatted you helped me see that I am on the right path and shared some great tips as well”.
So, please help me maintain my ‘volunteer of the year’ title and sign up for your own complimentary phone consultation. Just click here to make an appointment so I can listen to your story.
That is, if you are still willing to talk to me or did I brag too much? : )
I am very pleased to present you with this interview I conducted with Douglas Baker – The Special Needs Financial Advisor from Southern California. Doug has developed a comprehensive lifespan process for financial and special needs planning with investments and wealth management services wrapped within advocacy and knowledge of the professional resources and lifetime of services these families will require. Doug is a parent of two young adult children, his oldest a 22 year old son who is affected with Autism.
Can you tell us what services you provide for individuals on the Autism? As a special needs financial advisor, I help these families in a variety of ways, becoming a “project manager / team quarterback” for their financial affairs. I coordinate and collaborate with their legal, accounting, tax and estate professionals regarding those needs. I also, work inside the realm of the medical, educational and therapy services needed for a lifetime of care for their special needs member(s).
How did you come to focus on helping parents of children with special needs? I am a parent. My son with Autism was 18 and getting ready to leave the High School campus setting and move to a skills and job training campus that help them integrate as best as possible to an independent life. I had one of those “life reality moments” of “what happens if I’m no longer here. Since I fired my financial advisor in the end of 2007 over a systemic difference of opinions from her and her company’s top analyst in the direction of the markets at that time, I was now seeking a different type of advisor that I very quickly learned didn’t exist. 28 different advisors got narrowed to 3. Even the best one of those basically just wanted my money to manage and I needed to go out and get the special needs trust and life insurance. Nothing more than that… I realized, my life as a special needs parent is an “after-thought” to these people. They don’t or can’t understand our lives, our challenges, our needs, our dreams, or even our lifestyle… All of which is an on-going life-long process that changes as our lives progress – professionals, services, housing, legislation, lifestyle along with the investments and market conditions. A personal friend and mentor whom I was working with at the time (co-creator of Six Sigma) was a key influence in “shoving” me into this business because of the “innovative process” I could develop around the financial advisor service for the families and the serving professionals, services and businesses that serve these families. Here I am 3 years later, developing an industry service that needs to go “viral” nationwide from within our communities of special needs families, service providers, legal and medical professionals.
When a parent of a child with special needs comes to you, what are their biggest concerns? That can often vary depending on the ages and stages of their child, diagnosis and therapy progression. In the end, it’s always about what will happen to our special loved one when we are no longer here or capable to care for them… Who will protect and look after them as well as me?? This is a vital component to the “end-game” of your planning, but a piece of your life today, tomorrow, next week, next year, into retirement and beyond. In other words “a lot of living to do between here-to-there” (there being the end-game).
You mentioned a unique process around financial planning, advice, investment management, advocacy, and resource services for these families and serving professionals, can you say more about that and what makes it unique? This is a goal oriented process combining a series of the following functions for a comprehensive lifespan of leadership, service and resource management;
- Financial and Special Needs planning
- Lifespan focused Wealth Management services
- The Family Office collaborative process
- Advocacy from and for a special needs family perspective
- Resource specialist of professionals, services and benefits
- A Quarterback / project manager / COO-CFO helping lead your family’s life progressions (Lifespan existence) through changes in needs, services and benefits, legislation, lifestyle and market conditions.
What are the long term planning options for parents of children with a disability such as Autism? The long term options can depend on diagnosis, condition, executive function, functional independence and family capability. There are many ways to develop a reasonable funding stream for a 2nd generation funding of a special needs child after we are gone for this earth. Most involve a special needs trust (ideally 3rd party) that maintains qualification for government benefits, and protects the special needs person from predators and litigation. The earlier the better, but it is never too late. I am not a big fan of insurance products unless they are needed. But in some cases, starting a whole life policy after birth on a child can prove very affordable for most families and after 65 years have close to $900K in value. All for about $100/month. That is the compounding effect of money of long periods of time.
Grandparents like to get involved where they can. That’s always good, as many have old beneficiary information and properly point gifting and inheritance designations to the right special needs protection vehicles helps ensure eligibility and funding.
What do you recommend to a parent who is considering setting up a special needs trust? Get a great attorney here!! Go with someone that does lots of these every year (probably more that 20 or 30 at least). If finances are an issue, at least put a small inclusion in your estate plan that could act as an “emergency provision” inside the estate plan. Most of the estate planning software out there has this built in and can be easily done.
I believe it is never too early to start planning for the future needs of a child whose future is challenged, do you agree? Fully agree. Shortly after our children are born, we often find ourselves thinking about college savings plans and so forth. Birth and genetic defect families have the opportunity to think about lifelong planning after their child is born. Autism and mental illness often show up a little or a lot later and the families don’t often get to the life-long planning and preparation stages till some time later, often decades later.
Why would our states and federal government be reducing services and funding to these special needs communities when the population of these individuals and families are exploding? That is a great and very perplexing question. I think its lack of identified money (economic clout). We have plenty of activist and advocates at the state and federal levels but I don’t see any money represented. If the Teamsters Union lobbyist walks into capitol hill and says he represents 100,000 member and “x” billions of dollars of these members, that represents “votes” and “economic clout” to our elected officials… They pay attention!
Wall Street has made it clear they don’t care about our special needs, our families, our challenges and our service needs. With 1 in 10 household in America affected by a significant special needs, our special needs household represent near $ 6 TRILLION of the $60 trillion of US household wealth. We have been ignored, abused, raped and discounted by these big Wall Street institutions that many in these special needs communities have been allowing to handsomely profit from without servicing our needs and representation. The concept of “Occupy Wall Street” makes perfect sense. If you want to change our community, change where you spend, bank, invest and give back… Start using the quality special needs professionals, owned businesses and services in and around your local community. Use local based banking and credit union services. Seek services from those of us who are part of and give back to this community we are a part of.
The old saying “you keep doing what you are doing will get you what you keep getting” !!!… How about that government system that keeps taking away our services? One person can make a difference. One turns into 10, which turns into 100, which become 1,000, 10,000, and then 100,000… Somewhere along there will be a “tipping point” to change.
Douglas Baker is a parent of a 22 year old son with Autism. He is a national speaker and educator on services and resources surrounding the special needs communities. He is an innovator of comprehensive financial and special needs planning and collaborative lifespan management, services and resources for these families and professional services. Doug resides in the Los Angeles area and is a special needs financial advisor for Waddell & Reed Financial Advisors. Doug is in a committed relationship, also has a 20 year old daughter, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a horse
- He can be reached at < douglaso.baker@yahoo.com > for email.
- Webpage http://www.torrance.wrfa.com/Douglas-O–Baker.e426424.htm
- Facebook http://www.facebook.com/specialneedsadvisor
There are many things we do to stimulate or calm our senses. We rock babies to soothe them and we sing or hum to ourselves in the shower, we fan ourselves to cool off when we are hot, and we hug and kiss others to give and receive comfort. When we want to increase or arouse our senses we often run or engage in some form of physical activity or exercise, or we may turn the music on loud to get in a party mood and dance. Most of these repetitive behaviors are seen as appropriate if carried out at the proper time and in the proper place.
Then there is the term ‘stimming’, often associated with Autism, which conjures up a more negative image. The term ‘stimming’ or ‘stim’ cannot be found in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary but is defined by Wikipedia as “a repetitive body movement, such as hand flapping, that is hypothesized to stimulate one or more senses”. In the world of Autism ‘stimming’ is known as any type of repetitive, stereotypical behavior engaged in to alleviate or increase sensory input. It is derived from the verb; to stimulate; to provide stimulation in order to get a response, make someone interested, more alert or engaged in something.
We all engage in sensory regulation – behaviors that seek to arouse or calm our nervous system and there are many that are approved by our culture but we don’t refer to all of them as ‘stimming’. Is ‘stimming’ just another word for patterns of self-regulatory behavior that are unacceptable? Depending what form the behavior takes and how often it occurs it could be seen as normal – a way to help a person function, or abnormal – a pattern of obsession.
Every child whether on or off the Autism spectrum, will attempt to modulate his or her sensory experience as they interact with their world. Only ten percent of children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) actually engage in what we now call ‘stimming’ – exaggerated self-stimulation. Many of these activities would be considered outside the norm, such as hand flapping, spinning, toe-walking, licking objects, tracking hand movements or sniffing foods, items or people, to mention a few.
Unfortunately these activities can be embarrassing and even stigmatizing because our culture does not yet understand Autism. Many individuals who are not touched by Autism, and even some of those who are, fear anything that is odd, different or left or right of the so-called norm. The hope is that tolerance and better understanding will come but what is a parent to do in the meantime?
It is very important that you discuss these behaviors with your child’s Occupational Therapist and follow his or her recommendations. If your child does not have a qualified OT, find one. Make this a priority regardless of insurance coverage. Whatever money you may need to expend, you will get a wonderful return on your investment. A qualified occupational therapist will be able to create a customized sensory diet for your child that will not only help reduce ‘stimming’ behaviors but will address emotional meltdowns and much, much more.
While you are shopping around for an occupational therapist there is much you can do yourself. You are the expert on your child! You alone hold the key to unlocking his or her world – the more you understand, the better you will be able to maximize his or her potential.
In addition, any occupational therapist you currently have or are about to acquire will appreciate any and all of the information you can provide from the suggestions below. Here are a dozen ideas to help you understand and manage what some call ‘stimming’ behaviors in your child.
- Conduct a detailed review. When solving any problem, I you to begin with a thorough assessment of your child’s behaviors. Is there a behavior that interferes with daily living such as his ability to pay attention? Are there any behaviors that negatively impact her social life? Are any of these behaviors obsessive?
- Seek to understand the function of these behaviors. It is important to remember that most of these are unconscious and they occur involuntarily to some degree, especially in the beginning. However, once a child realizes the rush or relief it brings to her senses it then becomes more intentional and easily gets reinforced into a habit. As long as it is deemed appropriate it can become a functional way to self-regulate one’s sensory experience but if it is seen as dysfunctional and not channeled in the right way it can easily spiral out of control.
- Gather information. If your child is verbal don’t be afraid to engage him in conversation about his repetitive behaviors. If your child stares excessively at an object, consider asking him, “Are you trying to do something with your eyes? Tell me what you see.” If he is able to verbalize an answer you will have gathered extremely useful information to address the behavior with.
- Make lists. Most of these behaviors are functional – serve a purpose for meeting a sensory need – but they may not necessarily be appropriate. Make a list categorizing the behavior(s) as functional and appropriate vs. functional and inappropriate then you can create a plan to address them.
- Focus on the positives first. Concentrating on appropriate behaviors and explaining the function they serve and why they are acceptable can reinforce more of the same. “I like the way your hands are being quiet. It makes it easier for you to pay attention to what is going on around you.” Then the focus can turn to redirecting the inappropriate behaviors and substituting them with more suitable outlets.
- Create a calm environment. It is well known that children with ASD often engage in ‘stimming’ when they are stressed or as a means to manage emotions such as fear, anger and anxiety. Therefore maintaining an atmosphere that is as tranquil, predictable and appeasing to her senses as possible will prevent many of these behaviors from occurring.
- Be an early bird. Catch any behavior that is less than acceptable when it first begins to repeat itself. Don’t comment or draw attention to the behavior. Use your detective powers to surmise what purpose the behavior may be serving and then calmly redirect your child to another more acceptable activity that will still provide similar sensory relief.
- Schedule ‘stim’ time to teach appropriate time and place. No one can stop a behavior cold turkey, especially if it has been meeting a physical, psychological or sensory need and there is nothing to replace it with. Schedule times and places throughout your child’s day when she knows she will be able to engage in the behavior you are trying to modify. Think of it as a gradual weaning process – as you decrease exposure to the negative stimuli you slowly increase exposure to the more positive substitute.
- Change your vocabulary. Just because someone else may refer to certain behaviors your child exhibits as ‘stimming’ it doesn’t mean you have to use the term yourself. We all have habits, mannerisms, and idiosyncrasies that we engage in. I challenge you to think outside the box and create your own term, something more positive to describe your child’s repetitive behaviors.
- Use distraction. When you notice your child beginning to engage in a repetitive behavior give your child something to do or start a conversation. When we are bored, we all default into behaviors that we are not even conscious of doing. So just in case the trigger is boredom, get your child physically active – engage her in exercise or some other activity she can chose from. Sometimes just asking, “What are you thinking about?” will be enough to distract her and stop the behavior.
- Be realistic. There are some behaviors that may be defined as ‘stimming’ that your child may need to keep as a way to cope with daily life. It is unrealistic to expect to completely eradicate all of her repetitive actions. There is no need to take these activities away from her as this can create even more anxiety. What IS realistic to expect is to be able to modify and or shift them into more appropriate and acceptable forms of behavior as time goes on.
- Count your blessings and focus on the positive. Take ample time to dwell on all the things your child can do well and the baby steps towards progress he is making. Keeping a journal is a wonderful way to maintain your attention towards the positive. Once the good is documented it takes on a life of it’s own and becomes much more difficult to dismiss.
Remember, ‘stimming’ behaviors are very unique to the individual. As the saying goes, “Once you have met one child with Autism, you have met one child with Autism.” Your child may need to reduce their visual input by constantly squinting and moving her head to a certain angle in order not to get overwhelmed in certain situations. Another child may need excessive sensory stimulation by staring at lights but then there are some neuro-typicals that get a sensory rush from bungy jumping, or flying off a cliff . . .. We all have little idiosyncrasies that help us deal with and experience the world, there is no better or worse, it’s just different for everyone, especially for individuals on the Autism spectrum.
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Please share any ideas that have worked for you in shaping your child’s ‘stimming’ behaviors.
Book Review: My Friend with Autism by Beverly Bishop
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This wonderfully written and well-illustrated picture book titled My Friend with Autism is an extremely helpful companion to those who are lucky enough to have their world expanded by knowing a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). The young narrator explains how his friend with Autism is different from other kids – good at some things and not so good at others – just like him and all his other friends. The focus is always positive throughout the book even when discussing his friend’s sensitivities which he reframes as strengths. “My friend’s ears work really well.”
This is a great book for teachers, families, therapists, or parents whose children know a child with autism. It provides wonderful tips for helping a child with Autism who may struggle and it does it from a child’s point of view. For young readers who my worry they might catch Autism the narrator assures them it is “not like a cold or the flu.”
The back of the book is rich with notes that provide extra information about the Autism themes presented on every page. In addition the signs and symptoms of ASD as well as ten strategies for helping a child with Autism are included. The biggest bonus of all with the enhanced edition is the CD of coloring pages that comes with the book that any child will enjoy.
My Friend With Autism by Beverly Bishop carries my highest recommendation. To purchase copies for yourself and other family members click here to visit Future Horizons. You can receive a 15% discount if you use the code – PARENTCOACH – in the coupon code box when checking out. In addition, you can also use this special code for 15% off other items you may wish to purchase, including conferences.
Once you purchase and read My Friend with Autism by the clever author, Beverly Bishop and talented illustrator, Craig Bishop, please come back and tell us what you think.
Turn Off Screens, Turn On Life!
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Yesterday was the first day of Screen-Free Week 2012. One week when children, families, schools, and communities around the country are encouraged to turn off all types of screen media (TV, video games, computer games, apps, etc.) used for entertainment purposes and turn on life. This week long event presents households with an opportunity to unplug their screen machines and explore alternative forms of entertainment, such as reading, playing, creating, making friends with nature, and spending more time with family and friends.
Yes, one can choose to do this any time of year but joining others in this nationwide effort makes it easier for families thanks to organizations such as the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood who have helped organize activities and celebrations for families around the country to participate in. The focus of Screen-Free week is not to claim that screen machines are bad but to help us all stop, reflect and examine how these electronic devices impact our world and our ability to interact with one another.
As we enter into this weeklong experiment to refrain from using screens in order to enjoy the rest of the world, we will gain a better understanding of how balanced our screen machine use actually is. We need to become more aware of the pros and cons of screen use for children, especially those with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Researchers in a recent study that appeared online in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, Teens With Autism Preoccupied With TV, Video Games: Study, warned that the preoccupation with video games could interfere with the children’s socialization and learning. It is extremely important to help these children become media literate in order to grow into well rounded adults and national Screen-Free Week provides us with a perfect laboratory to conduct our own research.
Most likely your child’s school is participating on some level so this gives you a perfect excuse to explore your family’s screen machine use and make small adjustments as you see fit. To learn more about Screen-Free Week or find a Screen-Free Week event near you click here.
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Let us know how you decided to participate and what conclusions you came up with to better balance screen time in your household.
Teaching a Child with Autism To Do Chores
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Not all parents have their children do chores and those that do all have various ways of handling them. What works for one family may not work for another family. When I was growing up I had various small chores to accomplish during the week but Saturday morning was designated as cleaning day, which included changing beds, vacuuming and dusting.
The rule was – No Saturday morning cartoons until ALL chores were completed and passed inspection. This motivated me to get things done quickly because the thought of no Bugs Bunny or Tom and Jerry was unthinkable to me but my sister couldn’t care less.
How do you get your child to do chores around the house?
- I use a job jar that my child picks from.
- I give my child a conditional allowance or rewards.
- I coerce my child with threats and loss of privileges.
- I pre-teach each chore and do it with my child before assigning responsibility.
There is no ‘one way’ to motivate a child to do their assigned chores and parents need to find the best approach for each child. But before a parent can motivate a child to do chores, the child needs to understand what is expected of him or her. If a child doesn’t understand the ‘who, what, when, where, and how’ behind a chore it won’t mean much to him or her and the motivation will be lacking.
Any of the answers to the multiple-choice question above may work for your child but the answer with the best chance of success is D. Most children, not just those with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, need direct teaching on how to approach and tackle a chore.
Just as a grocery store manager has to train his employees and teach them how to stock shelves, clean equipment or run a cash register, children with Autism have to be taught clearly and specifically how to do things. It is extremely important to teach each chore thoroughly before you can expect satisfactory results and accept that it will take much repetition before you get the exact outcome you desire.
Developing an attitude that tolerates lower expectations in the beginning while maintaining a goal for steady improvement is an important mindset adjustment to make. This article, Promoting Independence in My ASD Child with Chores, provides many useful strategies and tips that will guide you to shift the way you think about chores in order to maximize successful outcomes.
When you are ready to tackle the assignment of chores to your children here are some things to keep in mind for a stress free and enjoyable experience for all.
- Begin at your child’s level. It is very important to identify your child’s level of ability when it comes to teaching her a new chore. If you want your child to experience success at a task in order to motivate her to repeat it, being realistic about where to start can make all the difference. Start with something you know she will be successful at and slowly increase the level of difficulty as you go.
- Communicate clearly. Is your child verbal or non-verbal? How best does he communicate? Will schedules or lists, whether in picture or text format, be useful? It is important to do whatever you need to in order to appeal to the unique way your child’s mind works. Children on the Autism spectrum tend to be very concrete and literal thinkers, therefore seeing or hearing a task broken down into very small steps with explicit instructions will increase comprehension and the likelihood that the chore will be accomplished the way you want.
- Go slow and be patient. Repetition is the key to mastering any task, regardless of age or ability. Taking the time now to make sure your child acquires the necessary muscle memory for the task will pay off in the long run. Muscle memory is a term for memorizing a procedure by imprinting a specific gross or fine motor task to memory through constant repetition. There are many everyday work or play related activities that are learned in this manner, such as riding a bike, playing a musical instrument, or sweeping a floor. With lots of practice these things become so automatic they do not require much thought.
- Praise effort. Children who are praised for their intelligence only, instead of the effort they put into an activity or chore, become hyper focused on results and do not come to see the process of completing the task as important. Should they fail at a task where successful accomplishment has been the only thing emphasized, they are less likely to try again. They may attribute their failure to a lack of ability, something they believe they can’t change. But giving a child specific praise for the energy they expend on a task helps them see themselves as in control of their success.
- Acknowledge the benefits. Teaching children to do chores, however simple or intricate they may be, helps them feel good about themselves when they see the tangible results. Seeing the fruits of their labor may not strike them as wonderful at first but continued appreciation and recognition of a job well done will help them feel proud and build a positive sense of self. A sense of teamwork is another benefit from doing chores that children will realize as they recognize their contribution to the family.
All in all, teaching a child to do chores is a very important way to make any child more independent – something we all want our children to be.
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We would love to hear your stories. What has your experience been when assigning chores to your child ?
Maintaining a Balanced Life for Your Child
By · CommentsDuring my yoga practice the other day, I was struggling with a balance pose I had done many times before and I began to 
contemplate the word balance. In math we balance equations. In our personal lives we attempt to balance our checkbooks and our budget. Many of us would love to balance the scales regarding our weight by trying to maintain a balanced diet. In business we have checks and balances and strive to balance the books. And in gymnastics we have the balance beam, which I will leave to my niece, the gymnast.
We also balance the tires on our cars and try to keep them in alignment in order to create a smooth ride and minimize wear and tear on the tires. If not balanced or aligned properly, tires become disproportionately stressed, wear thin in one area and are apt to blow. I don’t know about you but dealing with a flat tire is not my cup of tea.
Maintaining balance and alignment is not only important for the vehicles we drive but for us and our children as well. I am not referring to a work-life balance here but a balance of the physical, intellectual, social and emotional aspects of our children’s lives for which they depend on us to assess and keep stable.
Children count on their parents to act as their pit crew, ever mindful of keeping their lives balanced for the best possible performance. If your goal as a parent is to nurture your child into a well-rounded adult it’s always good practice to reflect upon the development of each area -
- Physical – How do you encourage optimal physical health in your child?
- Intellectual – Are you providing an environment that is favorable to your child’s learning?
- Social – How do you provide your child with a well-rounded social experience?
- Emotional- How do you nurture your child’s emotional self?
Contemplating these questions will guide you to determine what adjustments need to be made. Last but not least, please remember to add the fuel that all vehicles need to run on – please remember to address the spiritual aspect of your child’s life as well.
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How do you maintain balance in your child’s life?
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Final Opportunity Before the DSM-5 Is Finalized
By Connie · Comments (0)If you are concerned about the proposed changes to the upcoming Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) this is your final opportunity to make your voice heard. The American Psychiatric Association (APA) is opening up the last commenting period for any one to submit their comments regarding the fifth edition draft of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).
The current DSM-5 proposal is to eliminate Autistic Disorder, Rett’s Disorder, Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, Asperger’s Disorder, and Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified and combine them under one umbrella term. The proposed DSM-5 classification is A 09 Autism Spectrum Disorder.
You do need to register online to make comments and you can do so by clicking here. You only have five weeks left to try to make a difference. Public comment will be received until Friday, June 15. You can also send an email to: dsm5@psych.org or call 1-888-357-7924
I would encourage you to educate yourself on as many facts as possible and clarify your concerns before speaking up. For more information and links to other sources you can check out this previous post, The Proposed DSM 5 Revisions to the Definition of Autism – Do Your Part to Be Heard!